UNDERSTANDING MARRIAGE: THE VEDANTIC PERSPECTIVE
By: Deepika Reddy Allana
“If you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got.” This is a quote from Vivekji at the 2nd annual Understanding Marriage Retreat held at Chinmaya Somnath in Chantilly, VA over Memorial Day weekend, 2015. A version of this sentiment must have gone through each of the 40 or so attendees’ minds as they made the decision to attend the retreat. This quote is universal, and applicable to anyone, and in any context. The retreat’s theme, “The Joy of Giving,” also included topics spanning universal subject matter, which promised to serve as enriching lessons for navigating any human relationships, not just through marriage.
Married couples and singles alike gathered together for their own deeply personal reasons—perhaps taking their marriage to the next level by learning tools to help overcome recent conflicts, finding
inspiration to strengthen their existing relationship, taking advantage of a rare opportunity for a meaningful weekend away, or maybe investing in self-development to offer their best self to a future partner. The learning was multi-dimensional with spiritual discourses, communication exercises, and small group discussion on insightful questions. The weekend’s intensive learning was interwoven with opportunities for relaxation through a ballroom dance lesson, a picnic lunch “date,” a playful game of soccer and entertaining bhajans. Participants were blessed to be in the presence of:
Swamiji Dheerananda (by videoconference), Vilasiniji, Vivekji, Priyaji and Rahulji. While the participants were enjoying the retreat, many of their children were having fun in another room, enjoying games and activities organized by dedicated sevaks.
Vivekji, brought alive the Vedantic interpretation of the meaning of marriage with his trademark, lucid discourses carefully crafted to resonate with the challenges encountered in the modern
day. He interweaved examples from the sacred texts, pop culture and his own life to make his message accessible, entertaining and informative- the perfect trifecta. Vivekji helped participants to understand that marriage has a deep purpose- to exhaust vasanas (conditionings from the past). Marriage is training; an opportunity to develop virtues. How does one develop such virtues? By giving, giving, giving, “more than what we take.” “It is not that the grass is always greener on the other side, the grass is greener where we water it.” By bringing these concepts into laser focus, one is inspired to dig deeper and find the motivation to water the grass every day!
Vilasiniji had a warm and inviting manner that enveloped the room as she invoked both her Vedantic scholar side and her counselor side to skillfully pair the best of Vedanta marriage philosophy
and mainstream best practices for optimizing communication in relationships. Many participants reported back as having forged into new territory with their spouses regarding style and depth of
communication. The general sentiment was that these exercises provided a worthwhile and golden opportunity for one to venture beyond one’s comfort zone.
To quote Gurudev, “What we have is God’s gift to us. What we do with what we have is our gift back to God.” Thank you to the teachers, volunteer organizers and participants, who gave their time, expended their effort and shared some of themselves, for the benefit of all.